he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
