I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
