I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
