You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
my being single is dangerous.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize