Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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