If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just had sex bonerless
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
