How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
