I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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