He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
