Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
