I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize