i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
