I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
