my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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