found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
