it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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