I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
