the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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