A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I pour the whiskey from now on
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
