You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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