Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
