dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The adults are the big ones right?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
