I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
