Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just gift wrapped bread.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
