wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
