she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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