I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
