I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
