the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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