i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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