just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
