This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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