Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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