I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize