Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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