I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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