Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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