it hurts more in the daytime
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
