I wish I could teleport
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
