nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize