All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
