who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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