Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
