Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
