To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I AM VODKA MAN
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
