I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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