NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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