I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
