More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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