ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
