did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize