do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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