I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
