I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
