That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize