Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
