I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
