Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
