she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
