Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
