I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize