she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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