I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
