We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
