What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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