I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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