so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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