That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
