just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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