No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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