I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
