You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
