Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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