Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
