Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize