Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
