i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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