Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
