i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
