Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
