I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
