I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
