Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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