Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
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