It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
