she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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