they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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