C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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