make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You pole danced in your parka.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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