So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
