ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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