I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
