I think i sorta joined a cult last night
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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