he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Im part way to drunk.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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