You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
