i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just forgot I was standing up.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
