There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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