Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
