you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
