All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
