youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
