we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
