Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
