How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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