Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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